Today I lost my great grandmother at the age of 99. Not only was she a strong, independent woman, but she was also one of my main role models and a very important person in my life. I knew it was coming, but for some odd reason I always feel like my family members are going to be around forever. When my grandpa died last year, I couldn't even fully grasp the fact that he was no longer there. Sometimes I still feel as if I walk into his house tomorrow he’ll still be there, but I know that’s not true. I know that as much as I don’t want to believe it, I know that just a few blocks away, her house is vacant, everything in its place just the way it was when she passed.

I've been put in charge of keeping the family together. Everyone is devastated and for some reason I’m looked at as the strong one and a lot of responsibilities have been put on me. How am I supposed to have time to grieve when I’m the glue holding the pieces of my broken family together? I haven’t really had time to process anything yet and I don’t really know how that’s going to go over. It’s not like she was a distant family member, she lived almost right next door to me my whole life, I spent every holiday and birthday there, and most family dinner nights as well. Having to fill that void and look at her house everyday sucks. A lot.

Coming from a traditional Southern background, being a feminist in my family has always been extremely difficult. I am constantly being asked when I’m going to marry, why I don’t want to have kids, and why I often times “dress like a boy”. Traditional gender roles are still very influential and followed in my house. When I speak up about something that offends me or something happening in politics, I instantly get shut down, getting told to stop trying to “be a rebel”, and sit down. It doesn’t end there, either. My best friend, a tough looking punk girl who you’d expect to believe in the rights of others, HATES feminism. Hates it. I remember one day a friend and I were talking about the death penalty for rapists and pedophiles and she butts in “Hannah get away from me with your feminist shit”. I was, and still am, in shock. In what world, in what UNIVERSE is standing up for children and rape victims “feminist shit?”. If she or one more family member tell me to “Stop getting all feminist on them” or something of the like, I am going to lose. My. Shit. I am sick and tired of being a door mat because I don’t want someone to chastise me for speaking up.  Over it. Done.

And don’t even get me started on the word “feminazi”, which I am still in shock that people actually use thinking it’s okay. Like, “hey let’s compare a movement for women’s rights to Hitler’s regime and the Holocaust, great idea!”. Yeah. No. Shut up.